A dream come true...?
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Its not a stretch to say that we have all had some sort of anxiety dream at some point in our lives. Whether it was a dream that you showed up late for a test, or were performing at the high school talent show naked, these events seem to illicit odd feelings in our subconscious. Auditions are no exception.
I only wish that the following is a dream that I had, but since I don't play the bass and I'm not preparing for the NY Phil audition in a few months, I could never have drummed this out of my subconscious mind. So this is sort of a "guest post" from J.
***
In my dream the NY Phil is doing a reality show to go with the bass auditions. (Something to do with creating "more media presence.") Thus I find out that the auditions are being "produced" "by the creators (you guessed it) of American Idol." For whatever reason the auditions are local. Although I can recall both Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell being on the committee the whole thing has more of a Project Runway type feel to it.
You see, with all the auditionees waiting around a guy (a show host as well as the audition proctor it turns out) comes in, not too old, kind of "Theaterish" wearing all black, hipster glasses, kind of teddy-bear figured, obviously a little effeminate and wearing some kind of hat; (what I imagine a young Tim Gunn, the mentor/instructor from Project Runway could have been like if he was a little fatter, he obviously had the Tim Gunn role for this production.) This guy in his effeminate reality show voice explains to us that in the first round the panel would like to see what our rhythm is like, so we will be doing some tap dancing for them. (To recreate this imagine a guy saying this in a friendly, yet condescending way with a lisp and the voice sharply rising in pitch on the word "tapdancing.") There is certainly some confusion from the various bass players attending the audition as I'm sure most of were thinking that many of the excerpts provided were a good test of rhythm. I know I was.
Now, in the dream I don't really remember performing my tap routine, but I kind of recall watching it (whether or not this was a emotional trauma-induced out of body experience or just me watching it on a tv is unclear.) I was wearing a leotard and had a hat and a cane, like many a tap dancer perform with. The leotard was about as flattering in my dream as you would expect it would be in reality, as was the tap dancing.
Later, I am sitting on the street with two friends having lunch. I have a bad feeling about how my routine went, seeing as I was never trained as a fucking tap dancer. One cue our Tim Gunn-esque host/proctor appears with and says in that condescending, ingratiating sort of way "While the committee all agreed that that your routine had a certain "flair" to it, unfortunately your rhythm just didn't cut it."
At this point I can recall feeling really upset. I mean, I had just practiced excerpts for months on end, only to show up to an audition and tap dance. In my dream I was angry in that quiet way, to the point where I am clearly doing everything I can to hold back the tears. At this point I snap. I grab my big photocopied book of excerpts and run down the street towards the hall. I run in through the stage door, turn left towards the stage and as I get to those big doors that separate the backstage from the lobby the proctor-host guy is standing right there. We look each other in the eye and he is kind of shocked and he clearly knows what is going on, and he's scared. He tries to tell me that I can't go in there, but I deke him out/blow by him run on to the stage. I can remember hoping that I would dramatically interrupt someone else's audition (thus creating a moment that would go down in reality-television infamy) but they are clearly also on lunch, there is only one guy sitting in the audience, who I seem to recognize as an actual NewYork Phil musician, and he is eating a sandwich so I run right off the edge of the stage and right up to him and get in his face. Shaking my big book of excerpts menacingly I yell angrily "Motherfucking tapdancing!?"
Sadly before I can kick any one's ass I woke up.
Posted byL. at 3:40 PM
