Don't mess up. Jesus is listening. And He's counting your cacks.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
I'm playing a "Jesus Band" gig this week. You know the type-- lots of contemporary Christian Michael W. Smith tunes with poor quasi-Hollywood-esque orchestrations. The orchestra isn't bad. It's made up of freelancers and filled out with members of the congregation. In the case of the horns, this isn't too bad, although I'm fairly certain that the fourth horn player doesn't know how to do much more than HOLD the horn. But that's okay. Its in the spirit of this organization that everyone who wants to, gets to. Granted, that doesn't mean that it isn't pretty lucrative for those of us who are doing it for money... But that's not my point.
I have a saying... "I won't get worked up for less than $100/service." And it works pretty well. You want me to play contemporary Christian tunes for $90/service? Okay. But I'm not going to spend a lot of my emotional energy on it. Unfortunately, the "freelancer" sitting next to me doesn't seem to prescribe to my "benign apathy" approach to gigs like this. Now, I always try to be as professional as I can while still keeping a pretty good sense of humor about it all. And I can tell that this person, (lets call her "Q." to protect her identity) really wanted me to get upset about the various injustices of badly orchestrated contemporary Christian music. Perhaps this would somehow validate her complaints if I, as the principal player, would go along with her.
Lemme tell ya, Reader(s), I just can't do it. I tried to be as polite as possible, but a few times, I ended up giving her a dull stare. I just can't complain about the size of the notes. Nor can I really muster up any indignation about the poor page turns. I don't really care that we go through just about every key and modulation possible in the first tune. And I just can't pretend. I just can't get worked up for less that $100/service.
Now, there are a few long sections of this show that do not involve the horns. So I just do what I normally do. In a pit situation, I'd be fumbling through crosswords. During this show, I can discreetly put a magazine on my stand and no one but the choir members behind me will know the difference. Q, however, asked me before we started if I know how to play chess. She pulled one of those tiny magnetic chess boards out of her pocket. Thankfully for me, I don't know enough about the game to play. So she turned to the 3rd horn player and asked her. I saw the 3rd horn shake her head "no." Now, Reader(s), I don't really know what happened next. At some point, however, the two of them decided that it would be good if Q TAUGHT THE THIRD HORN PLAYER HOW TO PLAY CHESS DURING THE CONCERT.
I really did my best to ignore it, but you all know how well a whisper can carry. I really didn't want to be the one to shush them. But when I saw a trumpet player turn around to see who was talking, I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to tell them to be quiet. They both got that guilty look on their faces. They knew full well that they shouldn't have been doing that. Also note that they are about twice my age and REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
I wish I could say that they sat their with their hands folded in their laps for the rest of the show. But instead, they decided to play tic-tac-toe. This was far better as it does not involve the longwinded explanations of chess strategy. But they were passing the paper back and forth between each other. Not a big deal, right? Well, it isn't a big deal until we get to the modal arrangement of Greensleeves that involves strings and one horn. (That would be me.) Now, when someone is trying to play a solo, even a relatively easy one, right next to me, I generally try to sink into the floor. Playing the horn is hard enough without distractions in the peripheral vision. And I generally find that most horn players subscribe to this.
Not these two. They kept right on passing the paper back and forth, rustling, occasionally whispering.... yup. They really were THAT rude, right after I had to tell them to shut up during their rousing game of chess. Although they did curb their chess playing during the second night, they didn't stop their various tic-tac-toe matches. I decided to keep my mouth shut about this and treat it as "adversity training." I know that I have to work on my concentration skills anyway, so I might as well use this opportunity.
Posted byL. at 12:50 PM
Labels: Christmas, Freelancing
